My Word for 2012 - Courage

Inspired by Mandy Steward at Messy Canvas, I thought and prayed and realized that I do have a word for 2012.  My word really did pick me.  I tried to run away from my word. I gave myself other suggestions but as I began to research my word, I realized I should embrace it.  The (not) ironic part about my word is that I don't really like the idea of sharing it with people.

That amazing Spirit spoke to me, told me my word is courage, and that I'm sullen and too thoughtful (to the point of not acting) and that I should "go for it".  If I'm sullen, it made me wonder if my word should be "joy". This really didn't make sense to me, so I began to search the words sullen and courage online and found a few things that opened my eyes to my current state of being.  For me cowardly is not the opposite of courage... sullen is my opposite, in a figurative sense.

I found this excerpt written by James Matthew Barrie, written around 1922 (emphasis mine):

In so far as this attitude of yours is merely passive, sullen, negative, as it mainly is, despairing of our capacity and anticipating a future of gloom, it is no game for a man or woman.  It is certainly the opposite of that for which I plead. Do not stand aloof, despising, disbelieving...  we have shown a good deal of courage; and your part is to add a greater courage to it.  There are glorious years lying ahead of you if you choose to make them glorious.  God's in His heaven still.

This was my first clue as to how sullenness relates to courage. I was then reminded of Fiona Apple and her song, Sullen Girl. The first verse does reflect me in ways right now.

Days like this, I don't know what do do with myself
All day and all night
I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath
I say to myself
I need fuel to take flight

Sullen from the World English Dictionary

1. unwilling to talk or be sociable, sulky, morose
2. (literary) sluggish

Synonyms: glum, cheerless

Wow, how all of these describe me.  So long, 2011.